Snowplow parenting has emerged as a recognized style in recent years, describing parents who actively remove obstacles from their children’s paths to prevent any hardship or negative emotion.
What is snowplow parenting?
Licensed psychologist Nicole Beurkens, Ph.D., CNS, defines it as parents believing it is their job to ensure their children do not face obstacles or experience unhappiness. This often stems from parents struggling to see their children feel uncomfortable or unpleasant. The instinct is natural, according to Sarah Cohen, M.D., a child, adolescent, and family psychiatrist at Westmed Medical Group. She notes that for the first year of life, children need parents constantly, so adjusting as they grow takes effort. Watching children struggle hurts, making parents inclined to take over. It is also easier to do things for them when parents are rushed, which becomes especially challenging for children developing on atypical paths.
Snowplow parenting is often seen as a variation of helicopter parenting, but it is more common among affluent families who have the means, time, and connections to address their children’s issues.
Signs of snowplow parenting
Beurkens says this behavior shows up frequently in school settings, such as parents going to talk to the principal about a grade or volunteering at school to be able to intervene at any moment. Although it appears as helping the teacher, the real goal is to be present to solve problems. It also appears in peer relationships, with parents over-involving themselves in their children’s friendships, even comforting each other about their kids’ behavior.
Effects on children
Children need to face challenges to become responsible, well-adjusted adults. Snowplow parenting limits growth opportunities and can stunt maturity and the ability to handle difficulty. Beurkens explains that children do not learn to solve their own problems, tolerate negative feelings, or develop resilience. They may not see themselves as capable and competent. Possible outcomes include performance anxiety, pressure to achieve, guilt, taking failures personally, being easily frustrated or angered, and reduced problem-solving skills.
How parents can improve
Experts urge parents to let children fail. Allowing children to see the consequences of not trying hard enough, skipping practice, arguing with a friend, or making mistakes teaches them to overcome and manage challenges. Beurkens says that stepping in sends a message of incompetence, even if that is not the parent’s intention. The key is for parents to learn to sit with their own discomfort. Watching a child struggle does not make a parent bad, neglectful, or mean. By letting children deal with things on their own, parents actually help them grow.
When to step in
This does not mean never helping. Parents should be present, listen, care, and offer advice, but then let children take the lead. Beurkens suggests saying, “I understand you are going through a really tough thing, and I get it, it must feel bad, but I know you are going to be able to handle it.” If a child has tried their best and still cannot improve the situation, parents can step in more actively, as in cases of bullying. Cohen advises teaching children to ask for help, setting the tone that they should try things first but that parents are always nearby and available.
The takeaway is that parenting is hard and there is no perfect way. Snowplow parenting, while born of good intentions, can have unintended consequences. Experts repeatedly remind that children should fail and learn how to deal with their failures to develop into capable adults.
