A clinical psychologist says many men wait for a health crisis before addressing their mental well-being, and this pattern can have serious consequences.
Stephen B. Poulter, a clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles, writes that he has seen several male clients experience heart attacks while discussing emotionally charged topics in his office. In one account, three men ages 28, 36, and 44, who were in seemingly good health, suddenly felt intense chest pressure, tingling in their arms, and shortness of breath. They wondered if they were having a heart attack or a panic attack. Their symptoms escalated with more chest pain and dizziness. All three dismissed the idea of a panic attack, even though they had experienced them before. They sought emergency medical treatment without hesitation. Poulter notes that each man later said that getting immediate medical attention saved his life. He adds that all three had felt similar physical and emotional sensations days before their heart attacks but ignored them.
Physical sensations and emotional topics
Poulter asks readers to consider whether they have noticed a physical sensation in their body while talking about emotionally charged issues. He acknowledges that he himself has postponed preventive medical care, like many men. He describes a personal experience where he tore a vertebral artery while running and suffered a stroke that nearly ended his life. Within ten seconds, he was completely paralyzed on his right side. He says he knew he was dying and pleaded internally to be spared. Within the first 48 hours, he regained about 95 percent of his movement. He spent eight days in intensive care. Every doctor he met told him how lucky he was not to be permanently paralyzed or dead. His movement fully returned within a week.
This medical crisis changed his life. He says issues of avoidance, maintaining proper health, work-life balance, and father-son problems all resurfaced while he was in the hospital. He asked himself what else he was running from. He says it took six months before he felt fully back in his body.
The mind-body connection cannot be separated
Poulter writes that getting back to the mind-body connection is part of the masculine journey of developing balance and fulfillment. He says women are typically more attuned to their bodies, while men tend to rely on a crisis to address their health. He uses the example of smoking bans in California. When smoking was allowed indoors, it became clear that smoke permeated all areas regardless of ventilation. The conclusion was that it is impossible to prevent cigarette smoke from filtering into other areas. Poulter says the same applies to mental and physical health: they cannot be separated.
He states that Chinese medicine is based on the idea that everything in a person’s life is interconnected. When there is disharmony in a person’s system, such as unresolved personal issues, illness, money worries, or dating stress, this imbalance creates disease in the body over time. He says it is a scientific principle that all systems within an organism work together for the good of the whole.
Poulter warns that operating like a robot is not sustainable long term. He says living only in your head is not a good option for emotional and relational functioning. He writes that avoiding feelings, deliberately or unconsciously, can lead to loss of relationships with children, poor health, isolation, divorce, rage, contempt toward family or partners, and overall unhappiness. He notes that he has seen extremely wealthy and professionally powerful men who were emotionally and psychologically bankrupt. He says working 14 hours a day, drinking only coffee or energy drinks, eating fast food, skipping sleep, and arguing with competition will not produce a good emotional outcome. He says the body craves homeostasis, and the natural state is health, balance, and smooth interactions. Western medicine acknowledges underlying psychological issues, early life traumas, depression, and chronic anxiety and their collateral damage on the physical body.
An example from sports
Poulter cites John Wald, an NBA All Star, who said, “Yo, I need some f**king help! Those six words changed my life!” Wald was discussing how he dealt with physical injuries that affected his mental health. Poulter says Wald is an example of a man who is rich, gifted, famous, and not invincible. He experienced a possible career-ending knee injury and the struggles that come with physical recovery. Poulter says most men think they are the only ones who struggle with physical and emotional issues. He says men are more similar to each other than they are dissimilar. Wald is an example of commonality, not exclusivity. Poulter says no man is beyond his body’s needs and wants.
